Now that ID (my second child) has been with us for almost two weeks, I thought I would write a follow-up to my post Number Two. I have had a lot of time to think and reflect on the experience of going from the father of one to the father of two, albeit the thoughts are from a slightly sleep deprived mind. Even though I now am in the process of potty training a toddler along with changing a bazillion newborn diapers, this is still not about that number two. 🙂
Here are a few of the things that I am learning:
- Patience is hard at three in the morning. I am trying hard not to get fustrated with LA and/or the baby when the ID is fussy and can’t be consoled, but it is hard. I am being reminded time and time again that I do not have heavenly patience on my own. It only comes from the Spirit. I wish I could say I am doing really good at seeking the Spirit early in the AM, but I am not. I just know what I need to work on.
- Love can be equal and different. I love both of my sons so much. I love hanging out and playing with NB. I love holding and cuddling with ID. They are in two different phases of life, and the fathering skills are different for both. Patience can be harder with the preschooler, especially when he is having trouble adjusting to not being the only one, but that goes back to my first point. I do love them equally, and I love them differently. They are different. I will just stay in prayer that as they grow I will remember that and not compare them to each other. I just want to love them for who they are individually.
- I am still a selfish sinner in need of a Savior. With to kids needing my love and attention, it is becoming even more apparent how selfish I am. I am so prideful. I want my time notched out for me as well as them. I know rest time is important, but I use it as an excuse. Even now, NB is watching TV when I probably should be playing with him. I will play with him as soon as I am done, but it is an example of the problem. I want to use tiredness and the need for a mental break as an excuse to worship at the throne of me. I need to trust God to give me the energy, strength, and mental ability to do all I need to do for my sons and wife. I need to admit to God that I am a selfish, prideful man. I need to preach the Gospel to myself and remind myself that I am nothing without Jesus, and I can’t be the father and husband I need to be without Jesus and the Spirit. I need the Gospel to be ever present.
- I need the Bible more than ever. In the last week and a half, I have found excuse after excuse not to read the Bible. A week and a half is a long time to go without reading the Bible for me now. I felt it. I knew I needed to get back into it. I finally did yesterday, and it was so refreshing. I need to recommit to reading it everyday, meditating, and spending quality time with God.
- God will provide. I won’t go into all of the details, but God has seen our needs before we have known them and has provided. It has been amazing. God does not always meet our needs in the way we think they need to be met, and sometimes he does. The thing we need to learn is that we can trust him.
Okay, there are a lot more things that I am forgetting, but maybe I can get to those later. I just knew I needed to write a little. It is something that burns in my heart until I do. I need to go play with my son. Hopefully you can glean something from what God is teaching me.
Has God taught you anything really cool, life-changing, or obvious but needed lately?